Understanding Distorted Grief

Grief is a natural reaction to loss. It can involve intense emotions like sadness, anger, and anxiety. With time and support, most people adapt to loss in a healthy way. However, some people develop what is known as distorted grief.

Distorted grief occurs when grief reactions become exaggerated, chronic, or manifest in unhealthy ways. There are several types of distorted grief reactions:

Prolonged grief disorder involves an intense yearning for the deceased and preoccupation with the loss that persists beyond 6 months. This excessive grieving impairs daily functions.

Chronic grief is an ongoing sense of sorrow and pain that doesn’t seem to improve over time. People with chronic grief get stuck in their sadness.

Exaggerated grief means expressing overwhelming emotions that are disproportionate to the loss. Reactions are dramatic and intense even many years after the loss.

Masked grief involves suppressing grief emotions and avoiding processing the loss. People with masked grief often have physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches.

Delayed grief occurs when grief reactions are absent or minimal immediately after the loss, but then burst out later with great force.

Factors like childhood trauma, co-dependent relationships, lack of social support, or unresolved guilt can contribute to distorted grief. Getting stuck in anger, denial, or severe depression after loss can also lead to an unhealthy grieving process.

Treatment generally includes grief counseling to identify and process feelings about the loss. Cognitive-behavioral therapy helps people change detrimental thought patterns that feed distorted grief. Group therapy enables sharing of stories and advice. Medication is sometimes used to treat accompanying anxiety or depression.

With professional help and self-care, distorted grief can be overcome. The pain of loss can be transformed into cherished memories of love. If your grieving process has gone off track, reach out. There are understanding people ready to listen and guide you to a healthier place.

Using Therapy to Improve Executive Functioning

For those struggling with executive functioning deficits, talk therapy can be an invaluable part of treatment. Certain therapeutic approaches are well-suited to address issues with planning, focus, organization, working memory and impulse control.

What is Executive Dysfunction?

Executive dysfunction refers to impairments in higher-order cognitive skills needed to regulate thoughts, behaviors and emotions. These executive functions help us with things like managing time, completing tasks, making decisions, concentrating, regulating emotions, and controlling impulses. Executive dysfunction affects learning, productivity and independence.

Finding the Right Therapeutic Approach

There are several evidence-based talk therapy options that can enhance executive functioning abilities:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: CBT focuses on modifying unhelpful thought and behavior patterns. This can help improve organization, planning, impulse control and emotional regulation. CBT also teaches new coping strategies.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy: DBT emphasizes mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation and interpersonal skills. This can benefit those with executive dysfunction and mental health conditions like depression, PTSD or borderline personality disorder.

Coaching and ADHD Skills Training: Working with an ADHD coach or skills trainer focuses directly on cultivating executive functioning abilities like time management, task initiation, planning and organization.

Talk Therapy Techniques

Specific therapeutic techniques that can strengthen executive function skills include:

  • Learning to break bigger tasks into smaller steps

  • Creating planning checklists, reminders and calendars

  • Identifying and modifying unhelpful thought patterns

  • Practicing mindfulness and relaxation skills

  • Developing routines and organization systems

  • Role playing real-life situations

  • Tracking progress and setting achievable goals

By directly targeting executive function deficits, psychotherapy can help clients better regulate their thoughts, emotions and behaviors. This leads to noticeable improvements in productivity, learning and overall quality of life.

In conclusion, if you or a loved one struggles with executive dysfunction, consider exploring therapy options like CBT, DBT or ADHD coaching. Consistent practice of therapeutic techniques provides tools to better manage executive functioning challenges. Relief from frustration and a clearer path forward await.

How Menstrual Disorders Can Affect Your Mental Health

Conditions like premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), endometriosis and polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) can take both a physical and psychological toll. In this post I’ll explore how these common menstrual disorders can negatively impact mood, cognition and overall mental health.

PMDD and Mood Changes

PMDD is a severe form of PMS marked by extreme mood shifts in the weeks before your period. Rage, depression, hopelessness and anxiety are hallmark symptoms. The monthly hormonal rollercoaster makes it extremely difficult to maintain stable mood and motivation levels. Simple tasks become impossible. Outbursts and crying spells are common. Symptoms usually improve with the start of your period.

Endometriosis and Chronic Pain

Endometriosis occurs when tissue similar to the uterine lining grows outside the uterus, causing chronic pelvic pain, especially around your period. Coping with this level of pain month after month can significantly impact your mental health. Frustration, stress, exhaustion, sadness and hopelessness are common. Anxiety and depression often accompany endometriosis.

PCOS and Hormonal Havoc

PCOS leads to hormonal imbalances that can spark mood swings, irritability, anxiety and depression. The unpredictability of how you’ll feel from day to day takes a toll. Excess hair growth and other changes in appearance may also contribute to depression and low self-esteem.

Impacts on Daily Life

Between menstrual problems, pain flares, mood instability and fatigue, keeping up with school, work and relationships can be a monumental challenge with these conditions. Maintaining productivity and a social life may start to feel impossible, leading to further isolation and depression.

Getting the Right Treatment Plan

If you suspect your menstrual problems are affecting your mental health, don’t suffer in silence. Speak to your healthcare provider about screening for PMDD, endometriosis or PCOS. Finding an effective treatment plan including therapy, lifestyle changes, medication and social support makes all the difference. There are many ways to minimize the psychological impact and improve your quality of life. Help and hope are out there.

In conclusion, menstrual-related conditions like PMDD, endometriosis and PCOS can take a real toll on mental health. Mood instability, chronic pain and hormonal changes contribute to higher rates of depression, anxiety and disability. But the right treatment approach can help you better manage the psychological symptoms. Reach out - you don't have to endure this alone.

The Hurt of Estrangement: When Distance Becomes Emotional Abuse

Estrangement can sometimes be a natural part of life. Losing touch with an old friend, drifting away from a distant relative, or needing temporary space after a disagreement are all examples of normal disconnection. In these situations, the distance often develops gradually or serves a constructive purpose, such as creating room for self-reflection.

However, when estrangement is used purposefully and repeatedly within a romantic relationship, it can cross the line from normal distance into a harmful form of emotional abuse. Rather than resolving conflict or promoting healthy boundaries, estrangement becomes a tool of control—one that slowly erodes trust, intimacy, and a partner’s sense of security.

How Estrangement Can Be Used as a Weapon

The Silent Treatment
Refusing to speak to or acknowledge a partner for days or even weeks is one of the most common forms of estrangement. This tactic denies connection and intimacy while punishing the other person. Over time, it teaches the partner that their needs for communication and resolution are unwelcome, leaving them isolated and confused.

Withholding Affection
Physical closeness—such as hugs, hand-holding, or sex—creates bonding and reassurance in relationships. When one partner deliberately withholds affection, it can inflict deep hurt. The absence of warmth may be used as a way to coerce, manipulate, or punish, rather than as a natural pause during conflict.

Restricting Access
Some partners limit access by ignoring calls or messages, refusing to share schedules, or consistently declining time together. This form of estrangement destabilizes the relationship and prevents the other person from feeling like an equal participant. Over time, it can make one partner feel invisible and powerless.

Jealous Isolation
Another form of estrangement is when a partner restricts or sabotages outside connections. This can sound like: “Your friends don’t care about you” or “Your family doesn’t understand us.” By cutting a person off from their support system, the abusive partner ensures greater control and makes it harder for the other to seek help.

Gaslighting Reality
Perhaps the most insidious tactic is denial. When confronted, the partner using estrangement might feign confusion, minimize the issue, or turn the blame back around. This makes the other person question their own judgment: Am I overreacting? Maybe it’s all in my head. Gaslighting paired with estrangement deepens self-doubt and erodes trust in one’s own reality.

The Impact of Chronic Estrangement

While taking time to cool down after conflict can be healthy, strategic estrangement is different. It’s not about resolution—it’s about power. Over time, these tactics:

  • Increase insecurity and anxiety in the targeted partner.

  • Diminish self-esteem and self-worth.

  • Create a cycle of abandonment and loneliness.

  • Replace intimacy and trust with fear and uncertainty.

What begins as silence or distance can escalate into a chronic pattern that tears down the very foundation of a relationship.

Moving Toward Healthier Connections

If you recognize these patterns in your relationship, know that you are not alone. Many people experience emotional abuse in subtle, hard-to-define forms like estrangement. A key distinction is whether distance is being used fairly—to cool down, recharge, or reflect—or unfairly, as a punishment and a way to destabilize you.

Healing begins by naming the behavior, setting boundaries, and reaching out for support. Counseling can help reveal unhealthy dynamics, strengthen self-confidence, and foster skills for healthy communication. Most importantly, remember:

You deserve a relationship where you feel seen, valued, and secure.

Navigating Sexuality in Therapy: Removing Stigma and Shame

Our sexuality is a key part of our identity and impacts our relationships, self-esteem, and emotional well-being. However, cultural stigma and shame often prevent us from openly discussing sexual thoughts, values, experiences, and concerns. Therapy provides a judgment-free space to explore your sexuality in a healthy manner. Here are some ways therapy can help:

Processing Trauma: Past traumatic sexual experiences such as assault, coercion, or abuse can deeply impact current sexual attitudes and functioning. Therapy offers a space to process trauma and deconstruct faulty beliefs created by those experiences. This can be an important step in healing.

Communication Skills: Therapy equips us with tools to better communicate our sexual needs, boundaries, desires, and concerns with partners. Improving intimate communication leads to more fulfilling relationships and positive sexual experiences.

Sexual Orientation: Questioning, discovering, or coming out regarding sexual orientation often benefits from a supportive therapeutic environment. Counselors help validate identity and provide guidance around things like coming out to family.

Sexual Problems: Whether due to mental health issues, medication side effects, or relationship factors, many struggle with things like low desire, erectile dysfunction, or difficulty reaching orgasm. Therapy empowers solutions.

Gender Identity: Those questioning their gender identity can safely explore feelings of dysphoria in therapy. Counselors help transgender individuals navigate things like social and medical transitioning.

Above all, a good therapist normalizes sexuality as a healthy part of human development. Therapy overcomes shame and provides strategies to develop a positive, confident sexuality. With improved understanding and openness, we can experience intimacy and relationships in an emotionally healthy manner.

Cognitive Distortions: Recognizing Faulty Thinking Patterns

We all have irrational or unrealistic thoughts from time to time. Cognitive distortions are faulty patterns of thinking that can negatively impact our moods and behaviors. Being able to identify different types of distorted thinking can be the first step to addressing them. Here are some common cognitive distortions:

Black-and-White Thinking

This refers to thinking in absolutes - something is either all good or all bad. There is no middle ground or shades of gray. Examples would be thinking someone is either your friend or enemy, or that you are either a success or failure without allowing for complexity.

Filtering

This involves focusing exclusively on the negatives while filtering out any positive aspects. For instance, dismissing compliments and only paying attention to criticism is an example of filtering.

Overgeneralization

This is taking one instance or example and making broad generalizations. For example, if you have one bad date, overgeneralizing would be saying "I'm terrible at dating and will always be alone."

Jumping to Conclusions

This distortion involves making assumptions without evidence to support them. An example would be arbitrarily concluding that someone dislikes you without bothering to ask them.

Catastrophizing

This means envisioning the worst case scenario and treating it as inevitable. For instance, having an illness and automatically thinking it must be terminal when that may be highly unlikely.

Emotional Reasoning

This means believing something must be true because of how you feel, ignoring external evidence. For example, feeling worthless and automatically thinking you have no value as a person.

By identifying cognitive distortions when they arise, we can learn to reevaluate our thought patterns and react to situations more rationally. Developing awareness of distorted thinking is a powerful step in maintaining mental health and perspective.

Defining Digital Mental Health: Exploring the Future of Mental Health Care

In the rapidly evolving landscape of mental health care, digital interventions have emerged as transformative tools. With the rise of digital mental health apps and teletherapy services, individuals can access counseling and support through virtual platforms. In this article, we delve into the concept of digital mental health, distinguishing it from traditional teletherapy and exploring its potential impact on the field. We also list the challenges, opportunities, and considerations associated with this new wave of mental health care models.

  1. Understanding Digital Mental Health: Digital mental health encompasses various forms of care, including teletherapy, interactive internet-based products, online support groups, self-guided apps, wearable devices, and blended care models. This broad term encompasses a wide range of interventions that aim to enhance mental well-being and provide support to individuals. It includes both evidence-based treatments like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and non-clinical interventions such as virtual social gatherings.

  2. Complementing Traditional Practice: Digital mental health models should be viewed as complementary disruptors rather than direct replacements for traditional private practice. While these new interventions offer convenience and accessibility, private practitioners still play a vital role in providing tailored care. The focus should be on developing systems that integrate traditional and digital approaches to cater to diverse individual needs.

  3. Expansion of Mental Health Offerings: The growing number of digital mental health services and providers may lead to consumer fatigue and confusion regarding the best options. However, time will reveal which interventions prove effective and gain traction. It is important to prioritize quality and outcomes when considering these new models and to ensure that investments are made in services that truly make a difference in people's lives.

  4. Assessing Impact and Ensuring Quality: Measuring the impact and effectiveness of digital mental health interventions is a crucial aspect of their integration into mental health care. The evaluation process should include effectiveness trials, data analysis, and a focus on patient outcomes. Scrutiny and research are essential to determine which digital offerings meet the standards of evidence-based practice and deliver measurable benefits to individuals seeking mental health care.

  5. Choosing a Practice Model: For early career psychologists and mental health professionals, navigating the nontraditional practice models of digital mental health requires careful consideration. It is important to embrace holistic practice models, prioritize quality, and inquire about evaluation methods and patient feedback. Understanding state laws and regulations, as well as data privacy and care coordination, is crucial when considering employment in digital health settings.

Digital mental health presents a dynamic and transformative shift in the field of mental health care. While it introduces new challenges, it also offers unprecedented opportunities to improve accessibility and reach a wider population. By integrating digital interventions with traditional practice, mental health professionals can provide comprehensive and tailored care that addresses the diverse needs of individuals. As the digital mental health landscape continues to evolve, it is crucial to prioritize quality, measure outcomes, and ensure that these interventions have a positive and lasting impact on the well-being of those seeking mental health support.

Enhancing Insomnia Treatment in Psychotherapy with Sleep Apps

Incorporating sleep apps into psychotherapy for insomnia treatment has emerged as a powerful approach in the digital age. With a wide range of sleep apps available, individuals struggling with insomnia can now access effective tools and resources to improve their sleep patterns. This article explores the benefits and considerations of integrating sleep apps into psychotherapy, offering insights into how therapists can optimize insomnia treatment and support their clients' sleep journey.

  1. Accessible and Convenient Sleep Support: Sleep apps provide accessible and convenient support for individuals dealing with insomnia. By integrating these apps into psychotherapy, therapists extend their reach beyond therapy sessions, enabling clients to access valuable sleep-related tools and techniques at any time. From guided meditations and relaxing sounds to sleep trackers and personalized sleep plans, sleep apps offer a comprehensive suite of resources to aid in better sleep management.

  2. Sleep Pattern Monitoring and Analysis: One of the primary advantages of sleep apps is their ability to monitor and analyze sleep patterns. By integrating these features into psychotherapy practice, therapists can gain valuable insights into their clients' sleep quality and duration. Sleep tracking data, such as sleep onset latency and total sleep time, can inform treatment planning and help therapists tailor interventions to address specific sleep issues effectively.

  3. Cognitive-Behavioral Techniques for Insomnia (CBT-I): Sleep apps often incorporate evidence-based techniques from Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I), a gold standard treatment for sleep disorders. Therapists can leverage these techniques in their psychotherapy practice, reinforcing CBT-I principles through app-guided exercises. Sleep apps can provide interactive CBT-I components like sleep restriction, stimulus control, and sleep hygiene education, offering clients a comprehensive and structured approach to improving their sleep.

  4. Sleep Diary and Personalized Recommendations: Many sleep apps feature sleep diaries, where individuals can record their sleep patterns, daily activities, and factors influencing their sleep quality. By integrating sleep diaries into psychotherapy sessions, therapists gain valuable information about clients' sleep habits, potential triggers, and lifestyle factors affecting their sleep. This data enables therapists to provide personalized recommendations, including adjustments to sleep routines, environmental modifications, and stress management techniques tailored to each client's specific needs.

Considerations for Integration:

  1. App Selection for Insomnia Treatment: Thoroughly evaluate sleep apps to ensure they align with evidence-based practices for insomnia treatment, such as CBT-I. Consider factors like app credibility, user reviews, scientific backing, and user-friendly interfaces to select apps that resonate with clients and support their sleep goals effectively.

  2. Client Suitability and Engagement: Assess each client's comfort level with technology and their willingness to engage with sleep apps. Discuss the potential benefits of integrating sleep apps into therapy, addressing any concerns or barriers to usage. Ensure that clients have access to the necessary technology and support to fully engage with the app.

  3. Privacy and Data Security: Prioritize sleep apps that prioritize user privacy and data security. Ensure that client information remains confidential and protected in compliance with ethical and legal standards.

Integrating sleep apps into psychotherapy for insomnia treatment offers significant benefits, empowering therapists and clients to address sleep issues comprehensively. By incorporating accessible sleep support, monitoring sleep patterns, utilizing evidence-based techniques, and leveraging personalized recommendations, therapists can optimize their approach to insomnia treatment. However, it's important to carefully select suitable apps, consider client engagement, and prioritize privacy and data security. By harnessing the potential of sleep apps in psychotherapy, therapists can enhance their clients' sleep quality and overall well-being, leading to improved therapeutic outcomes.

The Intimate Connection: Exploring the Relationship Between Sex and Insomnia

Understanding the relationship between sex and insomnia is crucial for achieving a restful night's sleep. Engaging in sexual activity before bedtime can have a sleep-inducing effect, promoting relaxation and releasing tension. This blog post will explore the key points to consider when it comes to the interplay between sex, timing, and energy levels, helping you optimize your sleep routine.

Sleep-Inducing Effect: Relaxation and Tension Release

Engaging in sexual activity before bedtime can have a profound impact on your ability to fall asleep faster. It promotes relaxation and releases tension accumulated throughout the day. The release of endorphins and oxytocin during sexual arousal induces a sense of tranquility and physical tiredness, facilitating a restful night's sleep. These natural chemicals act as mood enhancers and painkillers, easing stress and anxiety, and creating an ideal environment for sleep.

Timing and Energy Levels: Individual Preferences Matter

The timing of sexual activity can vary based on individual preferences and energy levels. Some individuals may find that engaging in sex earlier in the evening leaves them feeling energized and invigorated. This timing might suit those who prefer a burst of energy and productivity afterward. On the other hand, for individuals who prioritize sex as a prelude to sleep, engaging in sexual activity closer to bedtime can help induce a state of relaxation and calmness. Knowing your energy levels and personal preferences will enable you to determine the optimal time for sexual activity.

Finding the Optimal Balance:

To maximize the benefits of sex for insomnia management, it's essential to find the right balance. Consider the following tips:

  1. Listen to Your Body: Pay attention to your energy levels and how you feel after engaging in sexual activity at different times of the day. Observe whether you feel more energized or relaxed afterward, and adjust your timing accordingly.

  2. Communication with Your Partner: Openly discuss your preferences and concerns with your partner. Understanding each other's needs and finding a mutual agreement on the timing of sexual activity can lead to a harmonious sleep routine.

  3. Prioritize Relaxation Techniques: Alongside sexual activity, incorporate other relaxation techniques into your bedtime routine. This can include practices such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or a warm bath, all of which can enhance the sleep-inducing effect of sex.

  4. Create a Soothing Environment: Set the stage for a restful night's sleep by creating a comfortable and conducive sleep environment. Dim the lights, use calming scents like lavender, and ensure your sleep space is free from distractions. This can help enhance relaxation and promote better sleep after sexual activity.

  5. Consistency in Sleep Schedule: Establishing a consistent sleep schedule can optimize the impact of sexual activity on sleep. Create a routine that aligns with your preferred timing and ensure you allocate enough time for both sexual intimacy and sufficient sleep.

The interplay between sex, timing, and energy levels plays a crucial role in managing insomnia and improving sleep quality. Engaging in sexual activity before bedtime promotes relaxation and releases tension, facilitating a restful night's sleep. Understanding your energy levels and personal preferences allows you to optimize the timing of sexual activity to suit your individual needs. By finding the optimal balance and incorporating relaxation techniques, you can harness the sleep-inducing benefits of sex, enhancing your overall well-being and sleep satisfaction.

Remember, if you continue to experience chronic sleep disturbances or insomnia, it's advisable to consult with a healthcare professional or sleep specialist. Prioritizing both sleep and sexual well-being is essential for a healthier, more fulfilling life.

Improving Mental Health Outcomes: The Role of Screening Measures in Primary Care

Depression and anxiety are among the most common mental health conditions in the United States, affecting millions of people each year. Despite the high prevalence of these conditions, many individuals do not receive proper screening, diagnosis, and treatment. This is particularly true in primary care settings, where many individuals seek care for mental health concerns. In this blog post, we will discuss the importance of using depression and anxiety screening measures in primary care medicine.

Going Beyond the Spielman 3P Model: Why Personalization is Key to Effective Insomnia Treatment

To provide effective treatment for insomnia, it's essential to consider each person's unique circumstances and experiences. This means taking a comprehensive history and conducting a thorough assessment of their sleep patterns, as well as any medical or psychological factors that might be contributing to their insomnia. With this information, the clinician can develop a personalized treatment plan that takes into account the individual's specific needs and preferences.


Julie Kolzet, Ph.D.